It has been awhile since my last post. I had hoped to maintain this blog on a regular basis, mainly as a journal of my current life dealing with my physical, mental and psychological post-polio symptoms. Then of course there is the natural aging process that we must all go through.Currently I continue to work in a job I love but can no longer put in 40 hours a week and have had to cut down to maximum of 30 hours a week by going on Family Medical Leave and using my accrued sick leave. I was able to get a prescription from my neurologist to allow me to work fewer hours. Unfortunately I’m still not sure he understands post-polio symptoms as few doctors do. As Dr. Bruno calls it, The Polio Paradox hits the nail right on the head. PPS is a contradiction in itself. It is frustrating to have to try and convince my doctors my symptoms are post-polio related. Now I am asking myself, “Why should I care?” I have gotten to the point I really don’t anymore.
As for my decision to retire……a few months back I sat in a hospital room for two hours watching a co-worker die from breast cancer. She was in a coma on life support but I talked with her and prayed over her. I knew all was well when the Holy Spirit came over me. She had to take early retirement because it came down to my employer keeping me or her. They kept me on which allowed me to reach my 30 plus years as my co-worker had done. She never forgave me (but I think as a Christian she did, in her own way, I feel sure of it) even though it was out of my control. Her sister later told me it was the best thing that could have happen to her, she was given time to do volunteer work for her Church, spend more time with her family and most of all watch her only grand-daughter grow into a fine young lady. After leaving her hospital room, kissing her on the forehead and letting her know “it is ok to let go” (two hours later the family took her off life support). As I drove away from the hospital, a thought came over me, “Bubba, it is time to stop working. You have to think of your health and maintaining your independence. Money is important to maintain my independence but my health is more important.” I went back to the office and the next day I typed my letter of intent to retire as of January 31, 2014. As the time approaches, I have mixed feelings. Physically I grow weaker but try not to dwell on that, mentally I have become more forgetful and without rest have difficulty speaking and organizing my thoughts. For that reason I hate to talk on a phone because it can get a bit embarrassing. Psychologically, I feel I am withdrawing more and more from others but having faith and a belief in Jesus Christ along with great friends I will get through anything thrown my way!I feel strongly that all things happen for a reason and I am trying to convince myself, all will be well, I am making the right decision and God will get me through this……..he always has and always will.
For anyone who has read my posts then you know about “Birdy”. She is doing great! That little dog can be dense at times but she is smart and entertaining. No one could ask for a better dog. She seldom barks, is full of life and energy, wants to stay at my side or at least in her eye sight and will pout (walking away slowly with her head held down) when I have to leave her for work or when it is bed time. It took awhile to dawn on me but I’ve learned to love her and she is a gift from God. There was a very good reason it was meant for me to rescue her from certain euthanization.I hope to post again soon as I think it helps to sometimes be able to put my thoughts into words. As I sit here and type, now and then I glance out of my window seeing the palm tree I planted a few years back, growing full and tall, the green grass, the live oaks with moss hanging from the limbs……I could go on forever. I think what I’m trying to say is that no matter what life throws at us, with Gods help we can get through anything and when I look out of my window I’m thankful for my life and all God has blessed me with.
For the one or two who might read this, take care and when you have tuff decisions to make, trust yourself, leave it in Gods hands and try not to look at the negatives in your life but instead, look at the positives (blessings). If you look beyond the trees, you will find just how blessed you are.