August, 2011
A Handwritten Letter from the Heart
Dear Bubba,
I haven’t hand written a letter in years. Pulled out my old faithful dictionary to make sure I spell the words correctly. Spell check is such a blessing.
I have moved out in the country and have no internet connection at this time. So every time I need to look something up or access my accounts it is a trip to the city.
I am writing you today specifically to thank you for your continued support throughout the years. The beautiful dove and star pins you sent me made both myself and my ***** cry.
However, I came close to sending them back because I do not deserve them. After **** years of being smoke free I grabbed a cigarette from my boyfriend sitting next to me. He took me out for dinner and a drink. And for some reason I just couldn’t stop thinking about how good it would be to smoke a cigarette.
So after preaching to friends and co-workers who smoke, I have made myself look like an idiot. I have been smoking since December 2010. I tried to stop last June and then again on my original quit date of ******* with no luck.
It seemed easier to quit the first time not being around any smokers besides my husband who immediately started smoking outside and never in front of me. Now after being single for the past *** years I started dating a wonderful man who really enjoys smoking and I have been around it ever since.
I know what needs to be done but not sure if I can do it. I have discussed with my boyfriend about quitting and hope and pray he will support me. by going outside tor better yet just quit with me!
I am deeply disappointed with myself. Everyday I beat myself over the head and wonder now I could have been so stupid.
My Freedom Village achievement pins have been place on my name badge from work. As to remind myself and all my patients that quitting smoking can be done. I see numerous people with life threatening illnesses caused by cigarettes and think what in the world have I done.
My ****** took me out for dinner to celebrate my **** year quit date. **** has no idea I started smoking again and thinks it is because of ****** that I smell like an ashtray. Telling ***** would give *** a heart attack.
It took me a few weeks to build up enough nerve to tell one of the very few people who has been there for me through all of this stress of quitting and that would be you Bubba. I am so sorry to disappoint you.
My hope is that this will be my first step in quitting smoking once and for all. By admitting to someone who is a friend and advocate for those who already have.
You of all people Bubba can most certainly understand the mental anguish of such an addiction to nicotine.
What I am asking from you Bubba is that you pray for me to have enough will power to stop this destructive behavior I have started yet again. Your support and continued words of encouragement are needed desperately.
Sincerely,
**********
“To thine own self be true!”
PS: I am so deeply sorry Bubba! Please forgive me and let me keep my pins!!!!
____________________________________________________
Note from Bubba: You can’t imagine how this letter has torn at my heart but at the same time it has lifted my spirit in knowing, in time my friend and I will lift ourselves up and be stronger than we were before. To my friend you have my prayer and just know we can get through anything with faith and I can never say this enough, we have, “To Thine Own Self Be True.”
1971nano
September 8, 2011 at 1:05 AM
U know my dad died 4 yrs ago from cancer of the throat. He smoked like me 2 pks a day for 40 some years. He quit in 83 and I use to ask him if he ever wanted a smoke and he always told me no. I don’t understand that because when I quit in 2006 I thought I would lose the desire to smoke sometime. Well I didn’t, I want a smoke EVERYDAY and whats keeps me from smoking is I WANT it but I don’t NEED it. That is how I stay quit. I don’t feel the desire will ever go away, it is always in the back of my brain and I KNOW satan would love for me to light up but the victory has already been won!! So Praise God!! If u do light up, then u simply start over again, ask the Lord for help and he WILL help u.Remember,, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Anonymous
August 24, 2011 at 9:58 PM
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will remember past successes.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be master of my emotions.
Thinking of you, Love & Prayers, Nadine
Bubba
August 24, 2011 at 10:43 PM
((((Nadine))) I like that very much! I know for a fact laughing is good for you. Now as for me singing, I don’t think so, that would only worsen my depression the way I sing!
Give my best to your George.
1971nano
September 8, 2011 at 1:06 AM
Ditto on that Bubba, HI Nadine!!!!
rhonda glover towery
August 24, 2011 at 7:19 PM
I am fighting thiS too. I have cut smoking in half. Got electronic cigs. Its helping but it is so hard. I had a clot move through my heart and doc. Is going to stop seein me if I don’t quit. I pray for you guys cause this addiction is so hard to conquer. PlEase pray that I can do it. Love u Bubba and I know God is gonna bring u through your situation
Bubba
August 24, 2011 at 8:09 PM
Rhonda it is GOOD to hear from you! Your comment and thinking of me gives me a great feeling of someone who sincerely cares.
Yes I know what you mean. Doctors no longer want to treat anyone who smokes. I know with me I am playing with fire because I started up again a few days ago but if I can just get myself stabilized mentally and physically I am going to do all I can to stay quit. Rhoda it is far from easy to quit and stay quit and you have to really really want to quit. While Bo was here I begged him to try but he said, “Bubba I’m just not ready.” I knew then that no matter what I said it wouldn’t do any good and it is something he has got to really want. You and I have seen so many people who have been permenently disabiled and even died from cigarette smoking but yet……when we are smoking and we know it is bad and we need to quit but somehow our thoughts just contradict themselves.
Rhonda just a suggestion, beat out the habit first and then deal with the addiction. For example, smoke only outdoors, never inside a building or a vehicle. Keep your cigarettes in a place where you would have to get up and go get one……that way you are having to think about what you are doing instead of just reaching for one out of habit…..long story short….change your habits until you can aliminate them altogether. As for the addiction that is going to be a bit harder. Believe me though it can be done and once you have “control” you will be more proud of yourself than you have ever been. Just remember everyone is different and you have to find what is best for you. I did learn with my last quit that cold turkey was the less painful way to go.
Bubba
August 24, 2011 at 6:50 PM
Hello Gail! I know what you mean about cigarettes killing. It has done the same to many of my family members and friends. I would love to hear how you helped those students.Gail are you my buddy from WR? I hope so and would be honored to have you rejoin my friends list on FaceBook.
I’m not sure you have read my other posts but I have been going through a bit of a challenge this past year but no matter what I will get through this. It has been up and down, one minute I feel well and the next minute I feel worse. I’ve no doubt I will get my life back in order and it is my greatest hope I can get back to working on two causes that is close to me and that is tobacco abuse and trying to bring polio survivors together in one possible community. We are too splintered….not sure that makes sense
Gail M Feldman
August 24, 2011 at 6:34 PM
bubba i wish you both the best. cigs killed my father. i don’t want to see them kill anyone i know, or even anyone i don’t know. i helped some students in japan to quit smoking. email me if you would like to know how (no i am not selling anything, and no product is involved).
g